| hmmm |
[Oct. 9th, 2005|08:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
It seems I always revert back to this times I'm feel down, which thankfully are become more sparse. I became pretty down a hour ago, but I think I feel better now. I have a lot of shit going on, but at the same time I do nothing. Life is very very strange at the moment. Sometimes I question what is my purpose in life, b/c currently, I see none. I cant ever find something that makes me genuinely happy. I was happy at one point, but now all the things that have happened and all the shit thats gone awry; I know that moment will never be realized again. There is someone I knew along time ago that I re-met as of late. I keep trying to ask her out to catch up on old times but every time the moment could be taken I pass, as I tend to do, also as i did when we had our first fallout. Ive become much better friends with a great girl as of late, and its been wonderful, I just wish there was someone as great as her for me. Well since I'm sleepy as its 8:30 and my head has yet to hit a pillow I believe I will call this night adieu. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 10th, 2005|06:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | elated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sevendust - Dead Set | ] |
My pirate name is:
Iron John Kidd
A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from fidius.org. |
|
|
| wahoo mutha crackas |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|12:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bob Seger- turn the page | ] |
what is going on yall! ive not typed in this bish in awhile b/c ive been uber busy and partying non stop..hehe. wow! life is wonderful, ive been so retardedly happy lately i think i may go insane, nothing gets me down. like shit, at work last nite i cut my leg real good, hit the end of the bone that is my elbow on the corner of this big structural piece of aluminum(btw that shit aint soft hehe) and my arm still hurts. i got a nice cut on my wrist from a big o box, i hurt my back, and the fan kept blowing my hair in my face everytime id move, which is annoing; all this in a few hrs. so i was beeing tested pretty hard. so i closed my eyes to a breath, thought about someone, and started dancing and was estatic the rest of the nite...life is beautiful.
wow i think i may have a band developing currently as well, which is quite wicked. that would make for good times.
im going to get off here makes some calls and hopefully be partyin hard...heh heh alright |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|06:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | indifferent | ] |
well im off to Washington DC 10hr drive there and back in a little ford mini-van, its going to be great. talk to you kids when i get back. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 11th, 2005|12:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
well i tried to watch adult swim again..that is the most depressing block of telivision for me. everytime a funny part comes up i laugh once then fight not to cry its an extremely long hard processes of thought with every second of the show b/c i shared that show with the one i loved and i can almost bet that she is watching it also but only with another person...and that makes me want to give up...on everything, shit i only have a few things left. what bad would killing a few more be....im so hopeless, i would give anything to have her back...im so sad, and alone. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2005|08:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Unearth - Only the People | ] |
well im soing great today, ive not done anything but play some halo but it was great, i talked to a new person on mojo and she is very insightful and has helped me out a bunch, im starting to love talking to so many people, b/c ive met so many interesting people and also some that ive not spoken to in a long time and its been great. oh well im going to go listen to some kick ass music and slam my face into the computer monitor b/c im so fucking hardcore...MUTHA FUCKA!!!! :)
have a super spantastic day all.
oh shit i almost forgot ive gone on this like super honesty-openess trip it is great i will tell anyone anything about me and if they dont like what they hear i dont care and if they do i get happy. ive thrown consequences out the window b/c all they do is keep you from your potential, so im going to be what ever the fuck i want to be whenever i want to be it and if people dont like it...they can fuck off...im super awesome behaving like this i love it..."no remorse, no regrets".
peace, wonderful occupants of this glorious earth. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2005|06:40 am] |
i listened to a song that was very uplifting and depressing at the same time, and i am taking it out of its meaning but music is an interpretive art form and the musicians love of a god feels the same as my love of a girl.
"94 hours of regret for me to realize what i held
unfading beauty, not just a face
i held its innocence within my heart, now i won’t let go
the torment of your eyes has awakened my soul
the pain of a moment’s time will forever beg your forgiveness" |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2005|10:34 pm] |
|
well its the 4th that means explosions and the like. over all it was a good day my and josh shot alot of stuff and had a good time playin halo the night before then i saw brandy at her house...that drove me back into depression, she is so beautiful and i want her so bad but i know that i wil not ever get her back and that makes me very very sad. but i dont understand why i should want her when she dosent want have a thing to with me. its really depressing and josh could atest that after i saw her and before i was totally differnt, i spilled my dring and threw it out the window, then i dumped the clutch in the camaro but didnt have enuf throttle and i killed it. even after spending some time with my family and shooting off motors for them i still felt and do feel awful, i really dont understand why i cant be happy anymore. i still want more than anything to have brandy back and i know i never will and that hurts so bad. i have no one to call my own and feel i never will again. ive been the cause of the end of two of my relationships and they were both great, the first one had no problems at all, but i was young and stupid and picked one girl for convieniance then since i didnt full heartedly pursue brandy i lost her, i never told her enuf how i felt and it brought the end to it, then one of my best friends, goes off with her, and helps to end our relationship. thats just so shitty i cant fathom how someone could do that, even tho i myself did it to another whom i loved. i guess all of this is payback for what i did to trisha but knowing how upset she was, and how much i wanted to tell her i was sorry and wanted to keep in touch with her, which i didnt only because i wast told it would make it easier to let go. i have lost it all, in a very short period of time, i still dont belive its true the last few months have gone by so fast...sorry i cant type anymore im too upset, i may finish this later. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 3rd, 2005|06:31 am] |
| [ | music |
| | damien rice - i remember | ] |
well i got the car running today and drove it a bunch, it was good till the shifter fucked it self and tred to shift reverse and first and almost killed the trans...it was not fun but i got it unstuck and got it home. so i get to work on it again tomorrow. i have a realy nice hurst that i will try to get reverse to work on and retrofit it to the trans. i will see if i can succed later today. adios all im tired. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 1st, 2005|06:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | As I Lay Dying - 94 hours / Incubus - Trouble in 421 | ] |
well i got the nessisary parts to repair my car and once again i failed misserably so... i am going to barely sleep tonite and i will get an earily start on her then take the trans to a friends place and he will put it together properly. and hopefully i could then come home, put it together, and be back on the road once again. and maybe i could go buy exposives :). 4th is fun, but i have a feeling that its going to be really depressing for me since the person who i have spent so many a holiday with for quite a few years, no longer cares that i exist, i mean she does, but im not her best friend, and love anymore im just a guy she talks to everynow and then. its such a wierd feeling when you see someone you cared about and all you really want to do is give them a hug and a kiss when you see them. but now you have to apoligise if you bump into them. oh its so wierd.
i sat next to a really hot girl on the bus today, i dont think she realized i was there but she was pretty, smoked so i would never kiss her even if she wanted, but pretty none the less.
i was really crazy at work today and made alot of people very happy and that makes me happy. overall ive been very happy, there is a place in the back of my heart that longs for a conncetion once had, but there is a happiness in acceptance of fate, that has washed over my shell of a once complete self, and i feel more good than bad. i will probally post again very angry and or depressed but for this moment i feel good. that is what i live for now is the moments since i feel i have no future and my past has died. well im going to go take a nap. adios. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
deadwetmonkey's journal